Babies
by Petshop
Summary: Sena was beginning to wish he’d never stumbled upon that woman suffering labor pains in the park. Kisaragi/Sena...sort of. beware crack.


_Alright, well this is the first fanfic I've posted in years. This stemmed from some ideas I came up with for my NaNoWriMo fic, which I decided weren't going to be included. I don't think I've seen any attempts, serious or not, to put these two characters together, so here's a bit of crack for the fandom. Cheers!_

_Disclaimer: Eyeshield 21 does not belong to me. It is the brain child of Riichiro Inagaki and Yusuke Murata._

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Sena was beginning to wish he'd never stumbled upon that woman suffering labor pains in the park.

"He's so cute, Sena! He looks just like you did when you were a baby."

"Yaah~ I hope Sena's children are just as cute!" Sena tried to ignore the heat infusing his face as the two girls twittered on excitedly.

There was a large smile on Mamori's face. In fact, Sena could have sworn that she was emitting _sparkles_ with that blindingly bright smile. He wondered briefly if the frantic questioning he'd been subjected to in the hospital lobby just moments before wasn't marginally better than watching the two girls gush over Sena's possible future children. Or more accurately, the hypothetical other parent of said future children.

"It would be interesting if he found someone with more exotic coloring. Imagine a miniature version of Sena with red or blonde hair."

"What about You-nii? Who do you think they'd take after?"

Well, perhaps it wouldn't be so horrifying if they hadn't skipped past the admittedly short list of Sena's female acquaintances and then promptly started in on the much longer list of his _male_ acquaintances.

Not that he was interested in either of his previously mentioned female acquaintances, but really weren't you supposed to pick some hypothetical, as-of-yet-nonexistent imaginary girl for this kind of discussion?

"Oh wait! Akaba's a redhead, isn't he? That'd be so adorable!"

No. Definitely, not interested.

Sena looked away from the two, as if that would lend him some distance from the situation.

"Oi, Sena! I heard you were in the hospital!" Sena turned just as Monta jogged into view, heedless of the gaunt-faced nurse beyond screeching about cursing him for life; her cries echoed down the hall like a banshee's wail.

'Thank goodness for friends,' thought Sena as he pointed past the glass towards the cluster of newborns and explained about the pregnant woman he'd literally run into this morning. As the shower of questions came, he eagerly turned his attention to the distraction his best friend provided, happy to remain ignorant of what was surely becoming an increasingly bizarre conversation.

"Ah. Deimon's Kobayakawa-kun." Sena spun about in surprise.

"K-Kisaragi-san." Though he'd caught brief glimpses of the slim receiver a few times during the game against Hakushuu, Sena couldn't help but be struck with how _pretty_ he was.

"Visiting someone?"

"Well… not exactly."

"Heh heh. Sena here is a hero!" Monta grinned and elbowed him slightly.

Sena, the "hero", turned bright red as Monta went on about his "heroic deeds".

The enthusiastic receiver went so far as to explain the entire epic story in full detail with only a few _necessary_ embellishments while Sena protested weakly at intermittent intervals. It was a relief when the story finished after Sena aided the helpless maiden in escaping two ninja attacks and an alien abduction, landing them safely in the city hospital just minutes before she gave birth.

"…I see."

"Um… s-something like that."

"Well, I suppose I owe you thanks for helping my sister."

"EH?!" Sena hadn't thought he could turn any redder. He felt faint with morbid embarrassment thinking about the outrageous tale Monta had just spun.

_Ninjas?!_

Kisaragi chuckled lightly. "You're cute."

Luckily, it seemed even Monta didn't have anything to say to that. Meanwhile, the beautiful receiver had turned to catch a glimpse of his newly born nephew.

For lack of anything better to do in the somewhat awkward silence that followed, Sena also turned back to look at the baby. He discreetly squinted at the small white label. Now that he really looked, he could just make out the "Ki" in Kisaragi.

"Ah! I bet Mon-Mon would know!"

"Eh? Monta would?" The monkey-like boy visibly perked up at the sound of his name, a goofy grin taking up most of his smitten face.

"Oh! Mamori-san~!"

'And there he goes,' Sena thought as Monta practically skipped over to the two girls and disrupted their excited chatter. Hopefully, the receiver's presence meant the two girls would at least give up on their previous topic of conversation.

"WHAT?! Sena is having babies with Mamori-san?!!"

Or not.

Before he could even begin to protest, Kisaragi of all people stepped forward.

"I'm sure you heard wrong, Monta-kun." Sena nodded frantically in the background.

"After all, someone as lovely as Sena would be wasted on a woman. But say, if Sena and I were to come together, we would produce the most beautiful of children."

Sena paused. He played back the taller boy's words and promptly stumbled over the pile of nonsense Kisaragi had just spouted. He was just getting around to an appropriate response when a somewhat calmer Monta cut back in.

"Wait a second. You and Sena?" Monta frowned in confusion. "Isn't that sort of…"

Sena sighed in relief. Finally, someone was making sense.

"…sort of like overkill?"

Sena nearly got whiplash in his haste to look at a now smugly nodding Monta.

_What!? _It was as if Monta had joined some fanatical cult that had made it their sole purpose to steal all his underwear, or something else equally bizarre and obscene.

The ultimate betrayal.

Sena briefly considered fleeing to the bathroom two floors up just to avoid hearing the next disturbing thing to come from Kisaragi's mouth.

Honestly, why wasn't anyone coming to his defense? If it wouldn't bring more unwanted attention to him, he'd probably work up the courage to say something himself.

Come to think of it, though the two of them were practically bursting at the seams just moments before, Suzuna and Mamori had been eerily silent ever since the taller boy had appeared.

'Better not to see their faces', Sena thought to himself just in case. It was enough having to look at Kisaragi's glowing form as he basked in the light of some strange fantasy world of his own making.

"Hmm yes. Such beauty our children would hold. It would be as forbidden and beautiful a union as if Aphrodite the goddess were to join with her own son, Cupid."

There was a beat of silence.

"I-I have to go to the bathroom."

.

Later, after getting the story from nurses nearby, Mamori would wonder why Sena'd bothered waiting so long if he'd had to go so badly as to sprint up five floors in a blind panic before speeding into the nearest bathroom, the door slamming loudly behind him.

Sena decided _never_ to run near the park again.

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_AN: And now some Omake for your reading pleasure._

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Omake: Photo

It was a few weeks later that they met by chance on the street.

"I'm glad to hear she's doing well." Sena commented, looking at the photo Kisaragi held out to him.

"My sister was so touched by your kindness, she decided to name the baby after you."

"Ah, so it was a boy?"

"Mmm…" Sena took another glance at the photo. "… Hey, wait a second!"

Sena stared at the distinctly _pink_ clothing on the baby.

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Omake: Understudy

When Kisaragi spoke, it was with awe and mild disbelief.

"I've always believed in strength over anything else, but this… this is magnificent."

Sena fidgeted with the short hem of the skirt, willing himself not to faint with the amount of blood rushing into his head and glanced at the soft-spoken receiver.

"U-Um, Kisaragi-san. I'm not sure if white is such a good idea. Won't it get dirty?"

"No there's nothing dirty about it."

"Ah, no that's not what I um… a-and anyway, I… I don't like needles."

"Don't worry, Sena-kun. The scene only calls for a short checkup. You'll make a fine nurse in the school play."

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_AN: And that's that. Surprisingly, not much mpreg-themed fanfics have made their way into the fandom as of yet. I know many of you may point out FASH's Babies, but actually I came up with this idea during Nano month in November and didn't realize I'd given it the same title until now, checking back on it, and don't really care to change the name._

_That's not to say that I don't totally worship FASH's absolutely wonderful contributions to the fandom. In case you were wondering, that was my subtle attempt at flattery. If you haven't checked out her fics, I highly recommend them._

_Anyway, just heading off any possible calls of foul play or unoriginality or whatnot. Yes, it's crack, but it's _my _crack_.


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